


i can't carry on without you

by julzapple



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell, Fangirl - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, M/M, im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-17 23:17:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5888986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julzapple/pseuds/julzapple
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Baz is dying and Simon isn't sure if he can carry on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i can't carry on without you

Something was wrong, Simon knew it. It wasn't just the fact that a part of Watford, his home, the only place he ever felt safe, was burning to the ground around him, although that was a part of it. The chapel was on fire. Wood crackled and the heat was almost pleasantly warm. If Simon closed his eyes, he could almost believe that he was sitting in front of a fireplace.

But that feeling, that wrongness was still there. He could feel the Humdrum's power, dry and itchy and _hungry._ Simon's eyes watered from all the smoke in the room. The Humdrum cackled somewhere, in that voice that was just like 11 year old his. But it was off, the tone far too malicious for it to be any 11 year old. Something was wrong, he just couldn't pinpoint what it was.

Simon stumbled through the smokey chapel, searching for Baz. He _had_ to find him. He tried not to think about what could've happened to him. Baz was okay. He _had_ to be okay.

The smoke burned his lungs. He felt the fire closing in on him. What if Baz was already dead, nothing more than a pile of ashes on the floor? He pushed those thoughts out of his head. He couldn't afford to think like that. Baz was fine, everything was fine.

Except it wasn't. The chapel was on fire. The Humdrum was at Watford. The Mage was gone. And Baz. Jesus, where was he?

"Baz?" Simon whispered. He had to find him, he couldn't be hurt.

The Humdrum laughed again. "Are you looking for your vampire?" He called out.

No. _No_ , he couldn't have Baz.

“Where are you, you son of a bitch?” Simon cried.

The Humdrum chuckled. Why was he always _laughing_? “You'll have to come and find me.” Simon really wasn't up to a game of hide and seek.

Simon ran through the chapel, towards the Humdrum's voice, towards Baz. Baz was still alive. It didn't matter if he was in danger, all that mattered was that he was alive. Simon didn't care about the smoke making his throat and lungs feel like they were on fire. He had to get to Baz. He had to get him out alive.

Smoke swirled thickly around the room, making Simon's vision hazy. Every once in a while, out of the corner of his eye, Simon thought he saw Baz. But it was just the smoke, creating ghostly mirages and getting his hopes up. He stumbled through the room. It was small, but the smoke made it feel like a corn maze.

The Humdrum laughed one last time before Simon found him. He was sitting on the floor, a smile on his face. But when he spotted Simon, his face turned serious.

“I'm glad you could finally join us. Did you lose your way?”

“Stop playing games with me. Where is he?”

“Who? The vampire? He makes a nice puppet. I think I might keep him for myself.”

“Let go of him, you son of a bitch,” Simon spat.

The Humdrum peered up at him. “Only if you say please.”

_“_ Let him go. _Please_ . _”_ Simon's voice broke on the last word.

Baz seemed to materialize from the smoke behind the Humdrum. His grey eyes were now completely black. His pale face was covered in crimson red blood. Simon couldn't tell if it was his or someone else's. His hair hung limply around his face, and he stared blankly ahead.

Baz was alive. Baz was okay. It didn't matter that he looked like he'd been through hell, or that he probably just killed a man. Baz was _okay._ And that was enough. Simon should've known it was too good to be true.

Baz slowly walked up to him, like he was in a trance. The Humdrum looked at them eagerly, like they were a show on TV and he was dying to see what would happen next.

“Baz, are you okay?”

Simon took a step forward when he didn't answer. Baz shrunk back like a cornered animal.

"Baz, please, it's just me."

Baz shivered. The black in his eyes slowly shrunk down, until Simon was staring at his startling grey eyes.

"Baz?"

“Simon, please, stay away from me. I -” Baz's eyes momentarily flickered black before they went back to their normal grey. “I might hurt you.”

“I don't care, Baz. Come on, we have to get out.”

“I can't, Simon. He has control over me. He could make me hurt you.”

“You're fighting his control now! Please, Baz, come on!”

“I don't have the strength to fight him for that long.“

“You're all that I have. _Please._ ” Simon knew that begging was useless, but he had to try. He wouldn't just leave Baz here. He couldn't.

“That's not true. You know that. You have Penny and Agatha.”

“I only have one of you, though.”

Baz's eyes suddenly turned pitch black. He lunged for Simon's throat.

Baz knocked him down and they struggled on the ground before Simon had him pinned to the floor.

“Baz, you don't have to do this,” Simon panted. “Fight it, please.”

Something silver glinted in the corner of Simon's eye. By the time he realized that it was a knife, it was too late. The knife was embedded hilt deep into Baz's chest. Baz's eyes faded from black back to grey.

“Baz! No, no, _no_!” Tears were streaming down Simon's face. Blood oozed slowly out from around the knife. It spread quickly over Baz's shirt, coating Simon's hands in the process.

He felt Baz's soft hands grab his face. “Simon,” he sighed, before pulling him down and kissing him.

Baz's mouth was thick with blood. His tongue tasted salty and metallic like he'd just swallowed a gallon of ocean water. Their mouths, wet with blood and tears, moved together. Baz knotted his hands into Simon's hair, gently tugging.

Baz shuddered and breathed one last sigh into Simon's mouth. The fingers that were gently tugging at his hair just moments before went slack.

Basilton Pitch was dead.

And Simon couldn't carry on.

“BAZ! You can't be dead. No, no, _no. Please, I love you!”_

Simon screamed. He howled, the noise too eerie and wolflike, too full of _sorrow_ , to be human. He sobbed, huge wracking sobs. His face streamed with tears.

He pushed all his magic into Baz, trying to heal the wound in his chest, trying to bring him back to life, trying to do _something._

And the Humdrum, he was _laughing._ Baz was dead and he had the nerve to act like it was a fucking _joke._  
Simon couldn't take it anymore. He cracked. Magic poured out of every pore in his body like a tsunami. The force of it sucked the energy out of Simon. The corners of his vision started darkening. He knew it was over. For him and the Humdrum. And he couldn't find it in him to care. Simon fell to the ground and everything went black.


End file.
